All is fair in Love and War
by Keiran
Summary: (Finished) An answer to an age-old question: why does Duo's Gundam fail to self-destruct? A Heero-sided fic. Contains shounen-ai, of a very mild 12 kind. Kinda humourous (Heero has issues). Sequel: All is Fair in Love and Peace.


Author: Keiran  
Title: All is fair in Love and War 1/1  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. What a pity…  
Rating: PG  
Genre: sort of romance, humorous  
Pairing: 1+2 (one sided, but nobody agonises over not being loved enough)   
Warning: This is a Heero-sided fic. Expect the weirdness. Slight shounen-ai. Also, this fic hasn't been betaed. I revised it and put through several spell-checks, so that it's okay to read.  
Spoilers: Minor for the series.  
Notes: This is my first Gundam Wing fanfic. I was reading GW stuff for some time (am an avid 1x2x1 shipper) and got this idea to write a ficcie in which Duo isn't the pining after oblivious/abusive Heero. The following (and its sequel) is the result. 

*** 

T'was the Night before Christmas.

Well, okay, it was the middle of July, but who cares about such details? The important fact was that someone had an hour to speak their mind. Taking in consideration that that person's word usage consisted mainly of grunts and sounds such as 'Aaa', 'Mn' and the list of words widely accepted as communicative begun with a B-word, ended with a S-word and had a foreign quote in-between[1] it was to be an Occasion with capital O. 

Too bad no one was going to witness.

In the dark hangar only one light shone: it outlined a silhouette of a teenaged boy working on the wiring of some huge machine. If it were a movie we could see a camera doing circulating move around the place too prove to us that the room is indeed dark. Then there'd be a close up to the boys face. 

If we could read the boys lips, we'd rea… okay, we'd just have to turn on the voice recording. But since we're not keen on invading his privacy, we won't do that. 

Right.

Moving on. Please fasten your seatbelts, and prepare for a rough ride. We are now going to enter the higher levels of Heero Yuy's mind. You might want to heed the warnings when passing a particularly restricted zone (e.g. mission plans, mission outcomes) and watch your children. You are kindly requested to remember that you are not allowed to touch anything. It's not like you could anyway.

~Flashback~

'Emotions only get in the way'

"Baka," said Heero. "We're soldiers. Soldiers do not need to be 'friendly'."

"So?"

"We're supposed to fight. Not 'make friends'." Duo Maxwell bounced the ball a couple of times, thinking.

"The only person I'm making friends with is you." He said finally. "The rest I'm just socializing with."

"Why?" (Bounce)

"Loads of reasons." Bounce, bounce. "Mainly, because we're partners," Bounce, **bounce**, bounce. "We have to trust each other," aiming in progress, "but most importantly…" two points "…because we need each other." Duo paused for a while. Then laughed merrily. "As cheesy as it sounds."

~Interlude~

We would like to remind you, that the following visions are only available to audience of 15 and older. Please have your ID cards ready.

~End Interlude~

Introducing comment: during the shot Duo Maxwell's tank top had slid down his left shoulder, exposing quite a bit of sweaty flesh. At present it could be seen being moved back up to its proper place.

Heero averts his eyes quickly. Only that saves him from a blush. 

Then.

~End Flashback~

"Damn," he muttered feeling his face glow bright red. Trying to stop further revealing reactions Heero started to ponder Duo's next words (it was only after he pondered them carefully that he realized most of that speech took part between and in changing rooms and the shower).

''We work together better then we would with anybody else separately. You can glare all you want, but that's true in my – and yours – opinion.' 

'A match made in heaven.' Heero, sitting on the Gundam he was tuning, snorted at the thought. It might be interesting to note that the sole purpose of that snort was to chase away an image of water sliding down a pair of very shapely legs, covered by creamy-looking skin). The youth's hands made a sharp movement causing a light electric shock to travel through his arms. A considerable amount of swearing later the work was resumed. However, what was left to do consisted mainly of the kind of activity that makes the person's mind go wandering on subjects widely accepted as pleasant. Our hero (no pun intended) had not yet realised that. 

Said realisation had literally crashed him into the ground couple of minutes later. 

~Word of Explanation~ 

Pleasant thoughts involved mostly an image of a shower in some-or-the-other school's changing rooms. Shower that had – at given time – been occupied by someone with very long hair (clue: it was not a girl). Heero was a healthy, hormone-driven boy, on the exciting journey of self-discovery (following the Footsteps of Doom [2] namely:   
Step 1. Okay, I will tolerate him as long as he doesn't interfere.   
Step 2. Hn. He's competent enough.   
Step 3. He's actually quite smart.   
Step 4. Omae o korosu, Brain! I was **not** staring at his ass!   
Step 5. Denial is a bad thing. Must not fall in denial.   
Step 6. I am not gay. He's just feminine.   
Step 7. Note to self: must not break into Doctor G's database anymore. Duo is **not** equipped with an implant issuing female pheromones. G did not excise anything of that sort from Relena.   
Step 8. I'm not gay. Girls turn me on too! … There is no 'too'. Duo doesn't turn me on at all.  
Step 9. Duo is… Duo.)

As was said above, Heero, proving to be – in that case – a normal teenager, reacted stereotypically. 

Drooled. 

Priding himself on being prepared for every and any occasion he had a pack of Kleenex handy (brought only to wipe possible grease stains from his skin). The tissue was then carelessly put behind him, for later disposal. 

As you can guess now: Heero forgot about the tissue, got up, stepped on it, and slipped. 

~End of WoE~

A little sore and angry, Heero returned to his dorm room. Again, if it were a movie, the camera would have followed his yellow sneakers walking stealthily down the corridor, silently opening the door and stopping. Then it would have done a close-up to his face (displaying shock and disbelief) after which it would smoothly follow his line of sight, stopping on the white-clothed bed. 

Bed which currently contained an individual known as Duo Maxwell, curled under Heero's covers (now rumpled a bit), with one arm tucked under his head, which lay on Heero's pillow. Nevertheless that wouldn't shock Heero that much would it? After all, they were friends. And partners. The fact that Duo was wearing only boxer shorts and half-opened shirt could. A recording of Heero's thought in that moment? 'On my bed… half naked… I must have died…'

That was the exact moment Duo woke up. He waved Heero in quickly and told him to shut the doors. Before the Japanese could utter anything the American started to explain quickly.

"They found a booze party couple rooms down from ours, they were checking if everybody is in bed, without beverage," and answering the unspoken question "I got in through the window. Pretended I was asleep, I think they fell for me being you. They did a couple of rounds, though. I fell asleep, sorry about that, only moments ago, but I think we're clear. So, I'll be going now. I just thought I'd warn you."

With that said, Duo left the room. Heero stared dumbly for a short while at the window, which was used as an escape route, trying in vain not to think about what had just happened. In fact, the only useful thought he could bring himself to was: 'Thank God he doesn't wear spandex'.

Using every ounce of willpower he possessed he quickly showered, changed, and went to bed. Calling the remaining bits of said willpower, he almost managed to fall asleep. That is, until he remembered just who was in the very same bed bare moments ago… someone, who used mint scented shampoo. 

Mercifully, the scene will end here, allowing our hero to deal with his state of mental disturbance with some dignity.

~Some time later in space~

Duo Maxwell watched miserably as the Oz mobile suits closed in on him. Deathscythe wasn't going to be happy about this… 

"Sorry old pal. Looks like we're going down this time," he sighed resigned and keyed a code into a control panel on his left. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. When after several seconds nothing happened he looked at said keys disbelievingly. 

"The self-destruct mechanism doesn't work!" He whispered both incredulous and frightened. 'How the hell is that possible? Heero said he checked everything! Oh man, I am so screwed.' But being himself he cheered up immediately. 'Hey, it can't be **that** bad. Provided they don't kill me as soon as they extract me, I can find a way out of it.' 

~Elsewhere~

Heero Yuy was watching the sunset with a faraway expression on his face. That was solely due to the fact there wasn't any intelligent being anywhere close, so he could afford a little emotions. It's not like he actually **felt** them, thank you very much. He just went with the scenario, which assumed that a faraway expression was what a hero should be wearing when presented with an amazing natural spectacle.

A further advantage was that it kept a blush from coming, which, when thinking about a person with creamy white skin and long legs in the shower, is pretty much inevitable. But, you can't have your face showing dreaminess when it's the exact shade of a tomato. 

The dark-haired boy was toying with a small particle of an electric circuit. He looked at it for a few moments, before resuming playing with it. 

"I don't suppose you'd be trying to self-destruct anyway. It is just a precaution. The Gundams aren't that important," he said to himself, as monotone as ever.

"Besides, from Oz I can save you." He added as an afterthought smiling slightly. 

~THE END~

[1] That is, of course, 'baka', 'shut up', and foreign quote would be 'omae o korosu'.

[2] A cookie if you guess the movie.

This is why Duo never managed to self destruct. ^_^ Thank you. The sequel to this piece is called 'All is fair in Love and Peace', it can be found on ff.net and my personal page.


End file.
